Ephesians 4:26 is easier said than done. Totally.
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| I
took this photo on a sunset walk with Randy a few weeks ago. An angry
storm was brewing in the sky that night! A bit prophetic maybe? Lol
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To say my husband is a private person would be the understatement of the year. I usually do not go where I am about to go today for that reason. But something tells me that we are not the only one's who struggle with this scripture when it comes to conflict resolution.
My pastor's wife and friend once told me that her husband would force her to talk through their conflict until the wee hours of the morning if that's what it took to make them
one again. Against her stubborn wishes and the sleep that was knocking on their eyelids and fogging their ability to communicate rationally, he would keep her talking until it was settled, whatever 'it' was.
Well, that's great for them, but what about the rest of us? The us's that have two with
Choleric personalities who stubbornly want to 'sleep on it'. Maybe even for a few days. What about those of us who would rather attempt to keep the sun from going down by our mere will, than give in and get over it? Is there hope for our marriages? Are we doomed if we go to bed angry?
Sometimes it sure feels like it. Like we are so far apart in the way we see our last conflict that it seems like a months worth of going to bed silent & angry won't be long enough to get over it! That is the dark pit that I find myself in right now.
I know what God's word says and therefore know that I am called to submit, forgive, apologize and love before I see the sun set even one more night. I am already two days past due. I KNOW. But my heart is just not in it. My heart is still angry, and hurt and after the fit I threw-I would imagine his is too. Maybe even more so.
So what, other than faking my way through an apology in the name of doing what is 'right', is the answer? I believe I found some insight right here in
Philippians 4:8-9: “Whatever
is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is
pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable —if anything is
excellent or praiseworthy —think about such things. Whatever
you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me —put
it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
I am not much of a grudge holder. When someone says they are sorry-I am usually over it and all in again that very instant. But until then, I can spend every waking minute rehashing all the ways I was wronged. Mulling over every hurt and feeling it all over again & again until the anger reaches it's apex anew. Yep. That is why dusk captures my sinful heart instead of a forgiving one, and that's precisely why my head hits the pillow with a loud, stubborn thud every night.
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| BELLA LUNA~My melancholy moon painting is one of my favorites but he gets mixed reviews! People either LOVE him like I do, or they hate him and think he's a bit creepy. Haha-those must be the people that never let the sun go down on their anger. Lol |
So today I will let Philippians 4:8-9 permeate my thoughts and sink into my heart. I will list them one by one and let the Holy Spirit soften me toward my husband who deserves nothing less. Join me?
TRUE: My husband never means to hurt me. Ever. I know that is true and I choose right now to believe it.
NOBLE: Marriage is a reflection of Christ's love for us. There is no greater human bond.
RIGHT: It is just and right to forgive. It is the one & only way to heal and bring 'rightness' back into the world.
PURE: Our vows are stronger and more pure than any one conflict or combination of conflicts.
LOVELY: I adore my husband when he generously brings out the best in me, and I STILL LOVE my husband even when he fails to see how his attitude has the power to bring out the worst in me.
ADMIRABLE: My husband is hardworking and self-sacrificing every, single day. That makes him not only admirable, but totally loveable.
EXCELLENT: (
Possessing outstanding quality or superior merit; remarkably good.) My husband is remarkably good at making me laugh, providing for our family, rising early to seek the Lord on our behalf, making fajitas, picking out shoes for me, planning surprises and supporting me and all of my dreams. I would say that all these and more make him a man of superior merit. Wouldn't you agree?
PRAISEWORTHY: I thank the Lord for choosing Randy as my husband. In spite of our differences, God has used him to answer so many prayers in my life and that, my friends, is worthy of my praise!
Now, am I over it? Not quite. But with tears in my eyes as I typed my list, I can feel the slightest tug of change happening in my attitude. I will keep praying. Keep thinking on what is right & true...I will choose to invite the Lord's presence back into my marriage by mediating on this glorious verse with it's amazing promise of God's peace. I will choose. Will you?
xo,
Sherri
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| No this is NOT us-haha. This photo courtesy of royalty-free photos dot com. But I thought it was a perfect way to end this post. They are together as the sun goes down and all is peaceful. Just lovely. |
If you find yourself thinking,
"Well, my husband is none of those things, or my husband does nothing that is praiseworthy." You are fooling yourself.
He does. And maybe you have to push aside all the yuck of disappointment and heartache to find it, but it's there. Start with the reason's you married him and go from there. If there is only one lovely characteristic, focus on that and choose to ignore the undesirable and God's peace will once again fall upon your marriage. HE promises.
Leave a comment about your marriage, your tips, your conflict style or whatever you think may help a girl out Lol. We learn from each other and your wisdom, as well as your struggles are at home here. Go ahead, be anonymous if you like ;)
